Identity
by Dongyrn
Summary: Jaune wasn't stupid. He knew that Pyrrha liked him, had for a little while now. But he couldn't risk losing her when he couldn't even understand who or what he was. One-shot little tale that exists outside my usual offerings.
**Standard Disclaimer:** All rights belong to those whose rights they belong to, primarily the glorious minds at Rooster Teeth, though quite namely not me. Don't own a thing.

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Jaune Arc wasn't stupid. He knew that Pyrrha liked him, had for a little while now. It was safer by far, though, to let everything think he still held a candle for Weiss.

Much easier to shoot for the unattainable than to admit to the turmoil that threatened to tear him apart from within.

He was a mess right now, though, and he knew it. Pyrrha knew it, from the concerned glances she'd send his way when she thought he wasn't looking. Ren and Nora certainly knew, based on their not-so-subtle stares.

Heck, likely all of their friends knew. It was why he was up here, after all, on the roof of the dorm rather than in Team JNPR's room where the current party was underway, celebrating Ren's birthday. He sat on the edge of the rooftop, his legs dangling over as he contemplated what in Oum's name was wrong with him.

But it wasn't anything he could wrestle with. It wasn't even anything he could readily identify or name. Fighting, he'd finally gotten decent enough at to hold his own. Leadership of his team, he thought he actually had a handle on. But this? The worry and anxiety and fears that were building up, supporting and feeding whatever… _this_ was?

It simply was too much for him to deal with. Hence, his escape before anyone would notice he was gone.

Of course, if he'd really given that any thought, he should have known what a feeble hope that was.

"Jaune?"

"O- Oh, Pyrrha!" He turned at the voice of his partner, plastering a fake smile onto his face. "Sorry, didn't hear you there. Um… nice night out, huh?"

"It is, yes…" The redhead offered him a wavering smile as she approached hesitantly. "Jaune… I know something is bothering you. Can you please talk about it?"

He sighed, deflated, and turned back to gaze out into the night. "I… can't. I'm sorry."

"You know you can tell me anything," Pyrrha continued, a soft pleading tone to her words. "Really, Jaune. I'm your partner and I care for you."

Jaune sighed once more and closed your eyes. _And that's what is making this so hard… how can I trust that you really would understand, when I don't even understand it myself? How can I lose you before I can admit that I feel the same way for you?_

 _How could you actually feel this way once you knew what was wrong with me?_

He could hear her fidget behind him. "Is there… someone else you could talk to?" she whispered. He winced at the sound of unshed tears, emotion choking her voice. "Anyone at all? This isn't good for you, Jaune… please…"

Who could he possibly talk to? He knew Pyrrha would be willing to listen, but she was simply too close to him, and the danger of losing her over this… _Wait._

His eyes shot open as a tiny tendril of hope began threading its way through him.

"Could you…" He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Would you mind seeing if, um… Ruby might?"

"Of course," she replied, breathing out a relieved sigh. He listened to the sound of her retreating footsteps as he closed his eyes once more.

 _What am I going to say to her?_ he thought desperately, the flicker of hope now replaced by sheer panic. _What if she…? No, this was a bad idea, maybe if I leave now…_

He jumped slightly at the noise from behind him of skidding feet, his eyes shooting open to spy several rose petals drift over the top of his head to float on the gentle breeze out on the night air.

 _Well, yeah, should have expected that,_ he thought with a rueful shake of his head.

"What's up, Jaune?" the chipper voice of his very first, and possibly best, friend at Beacon asked him. He glanced aside as the diminutive brunette girl slid down onto the parapet next to him, feet swinging out idly. Ruby didn't watch him with any amount of concern, just stared out into the night with a content smile on her face.

As if she would wait until Remnant crumbled for him to reveal what was bothering him.

Buoyed slightly with renewed confidence, he coughed into his fist before gazing outwards once more.

"I'm not entirely sure," he admitted quietly.

Ruby gave a small thoughtful hum. "Well, then… why don't you just, I dunno… talk to me?"

The blond boy laughed softly. He could always count on Ruby. "You know… you have never judged me, no matter what," he mused, giving voice to his thoughts. "Even with some of the stupid stuff I've pulled… You've always been a good friend to me."

"And I always will be," she replied warmly. She glanced aside at him, meeting his gaze with silver eyes twinkling in the light from the broken moon. "I know you must hear this alot… but you really can tell me anything. I can just listen if you like, or try to talk with you about it… But no matter what, it's not gonna go past us unless you want it to."

Jaune nodded before looking down at his hands currently clenched in his lap. "I don't get myself sometimes," he said in a thoughtful tone. "I mean… what I am, who I am… I'm lucky to be here, but…"

The silence stretched out for a full minute before Ruby stirred. "Are you not happy with yourself?"

"No, not at all."

"Okay… why?"

Jaune picked a hand up and dropped it back onto his lap despondently. "That's part of the problem, I don't know, except…"

"Except?" Ruby prompted.

His lips could barely move, they felt so numb, but he needed to get past this. "Except… I don't make a very good guy."

Ruby shifted her seating slightly. "Do you mean… not a good person, or not a good, um… male?"

"The latter," he whispered.

"Hmm. So… what you're not happy about is being a guy?"

"Maybe?" He let out a groan of frustration. "Argh! I just can't seem to wrap my head around this! I've been fine with it, honestly, for years now, just brushing it off as living with so many sisters… And then I had to go do _that_ at the dance."

"Oh." Ruby blinked at him uncertainly once he glanced up to see what her reaction was so far. "You mean… when you wore the dress."

"It was just a stupid thing," he murmured, looking down again. "Was supposed to be funny, I wanted to cheer Pyrrha up. And while I was dancing, it was fine, everyone was laughing and we were all having a good time… but when I had to take it off again…"

"You didn't want to?" she interjected knowingly.

He nodded, his face flushed with shame. "What the Dust is wrong with me?" he muttered. "Gods, I thought I had gotten past this, feeling like such a freak…"

"You aren't a freak, Jaune," the brunette murmured reassuringly, bumping him with her shoulder.

"How do you know?" he whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to show. _A real man doesn't cry,_ his father's voice echoed in his head.

 _Well, dad, I guess that's fine, 'cause I'm in no way a real man…_

Jaune realized that Ruby had been quiet for while, and he glanced back up at her. She was staring at him intently, her lips pursed thoughtfully. Finally she seemed to come to a decision as she sat up straighter.

"Did you know I'm ace?" she asked quietly.

"Um… pardon?"

"Ace. You know, asexual? As in, no interest in sex whatsoever?"

"N- No, I didn't…"

"And Yang, she's bisexual, likes both guys and girls."

"Oh, well yeah, I knew that…" He looked at his friend in perplexion. "Um, what does that have to do with…?"

"With you? Nothing directly, but I just want you to know that I do understand what you're going through." She turned her gaze out into the night again briefly as a look of pain flashed across her face. "It was kinda rough coming to terms with how I felt, and that not wanting sex, not even _thinking_ about sex, didn't make me abnormal." She looked back at him with a wry smile. "I'm not a freak for being ace. It's just how I am."

He nodded slowly as she plunged onwards. "So… when I was figuring this out about myself, I found a few folk at Signal who were kinda the same way, more or less… that is, outside of what society considers 'normal'. And I learned some stuff, did a little reading on my own."

Ruby let out a sigh before looking into his eyes, her own filled with resolve. "You don't want to be a guy, right?"

"That really isn't an option."

"Bear with me. If you had the choice, if it actually was an option, would you want to be a guy?"

He frowned as he actually pondered the question. "Well… no."

"Okay then." She gave him a reassuring smile. "So… would you want to be a girl?"

"I… guess? I mean… yeah, okay if we're just talking, like, hypothetically… then yes. I'd much rather be a girl."

"Well, there you go!" she replied cheerfully as if that resolved everything.

Jaune chuckled. "There I go with what?"

"Well, you're transgender!"

"I'm… what now?"

"It means you'd rather become a gender other than the one you were born with." Ruby's smile was wide as she bumped his shoulder once more. "Doesn't mean you have to actually transition, but if you wanted to put a name as to what you're feeling…"

Jaune felt like the bottom of his entire world fell out from under him. He could only gape at her incredulously, his thoughts a chaotic swirl as everything he thought he knew was suddenly upended, the very picture of himself that he held no longer valid.

"Um… Jaune?" the brunette asked worriedly, her smile slipping. "You okay?"

"There's…" He swallowed hard as the tears began to unabashedly stream down his cheeks. "There's a word for it?"

"Yeah, Jaune," she smiled softly as she reached forward to envelop her friend into a tight hug. "Yeah, there is."

He couldn't help it anymore and began bawling uncontrollably, all the stress and fears and tension of a lifetime of suppression overflowing.

 _There's a word for it._

 _And if there's a word for it… than I'm not alone. I'm… not the only one going through this._

 _I'm not a freak._

He wasn't sure how long he sat there in Ruby's embrace as the smaller girl rubbed her hands in comforting circles on his back, allowing him to sob into her shoulder. He sniffled somewhat pitifully as he leaned back up again, eyeing the wet spot on her shoulder.

"Sorry," he mumbled, wiping his face with his sleeve.

"It's okay, Jaune," she replied softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like… I dunno." He let out an exasperated huff of air. "I'm relieved, incredibly so, but I have so many questions now… I mean, what, am I supposed to like guys?"

"No, silly," Ruby giggled. "Look, gender and sexuality, they're completely different things. You can be a girl and still like other girls."

"Oh, yeah. I knew that."

"But how do you feel about yourself now?"

He shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know yet. It's like… Okay, so it's like I've always had this picture of myself, you know? In my head. But it never really seemed to look right, like a puzzle that was all mismatched. And with leftover pieces I didn't know what to do with."

Jaune turned to her, a smile beginning to grow on his face, a genuine one the likes of which he hadn't been able to show in quite some time. "And now, I get it. That wasn't even the right picture, like all of the sudden I find the puzzle box, and it all fits together better, all the pieces go in… and it's… I dunno for sure. But it's different."

"Different is good," Ruby murmured, grinning widely. "Nothing wrong with a little more different in our group of friends. Now… what about telling the others?"

A brief surge of panic ran through him like a jolt of electricity. "Um… I'm not so sure about that yet…"

"Hey, no rush. I'm not going to tell anyone, not Yang, not Pyrrha, nobody." She leaned over and rested her head against his shoulder. "If you want, I can just tell them we worked things out, and you just need some time."

"That would be awesome," Jaune whispered. "Um… so what now?"

"Well, best thing to do is educate yourself. I'll help, if you like. You got friends here who will support you no matter what, we'll all be here for you. It's a journey, Jaune." Ruby laughed softly. "I'm more than happy to be your travelling companion."

"You're the best friend a person could ask for, Ruby," Jaune murmured quietly.

"So are you, Jaune," she replied. "Whatever you end up calling yourself, you'll always be my friend."

They sat like that for some time, looking out into the night and just enjoying the newfound peace and tranquility of each other's company.

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 **A/N:** Whelp, that was a thing. Been rattling around in my head all day, desperately seeking escape, so I went ahead and tossed it out there. I'm not going to comment on it any further though, just let it stand on it's own and let it be as it is.

Props, though, to **/u/zerosabers** on Reddit for the idea of Ruby the ace huntress. I think I've come to accept this headcannon as well.

Stay shiny!


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